


Lovesick for a Belly

by mrgoldsdearie



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Chubby Oswald Cobblepot, Comedy, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:45:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18687163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrgoldsdearie/pseuds/mrgoldsdearie
Summary: Jim finds Oswald in line at a cafe and is smitten by the Penguin’s new plush body. Edward saves Oswald from the cop’s unrequited flirting.





	Lovesick for a Belly

**Author's Note:**

> This is my birthday gift to the fandom. What better way to celebrate than with Chubby Oswald making men go thirsty for him!

Oswald wasn’t used to all the attention… Well, that is a lie, he was used to it when it came from the media seeking to get the latest exclusive from the Penguin himself. However, this attention was a little different and it had everything to do with his new body.

Putting on the weight during his time at Blackgate wasn’t much of a choice for Oswald. Yeah, he could have run around the tracks, lifted weights, or played basketball with all the other inmates, but he didn’t do any of those things outside the bars and he wasn’t going to start behind them. He spent his time quietly and kept to himself, putting on the extra weight by boredom eating.

He always knew he was a popular man before, catching the eyes of Edward Nygma at one point, but never did he think that the day would come when his body was just the right size to send Jim Gordon barking up his tree.

Standing in line at the local cafe— just a normal citizen trying to start his day with a fried sugary snack— Oswald is caught off guard by the cop.

“You’re looking rather healthy today, Oswald,” Jim purrs, slithering up behind the shorter portly man. He saw Oswald through the window of the cafe while he was driving on his way back to the station. Oswald looked too desirable to just pass by without saying a word.

Oswald turns to the man, straightening the monocle on his eye. “What?” He asks, a grimace of revulsion plastered on his face.  

“Healthy,” Jim hisses, stepping close enough that Oswald could feel his breath upon his flesh. “I meant it as a compliment.” He winks, flashing a smile.

Taking a step back, Oswald almost couldn’t tare his eyes away from the hairy caterpillar on the man’s ruddy face. He blinks a few time to clear his vision and turns his attention to Jim’s blue eyes instead. “It’s a rather odd compliment.”

“I thought it was well suited for someone like yourself.”

“Someone like myself?” Oswald echoes, a little offended. A comment like that is clearly meant to be about his weight.

“Yes.” Jim answers, eyes traveling over the landscape of Oswald’s body, imagining his hands feeling every curve and dip— how soft and squishy this criminal must be. It made him feel a little dirty to lust over such a cold-blooded villain. “Voluptuous,” he adds, making eye contact with Oswald again.

Oswald was taken aback but chose not to acknowledge Jim’s peculiar choice of words. Instead, he turns around with the hope that Jim will take his actions as a hint.

When the man in front of him turns away, it leaves Jim with only that junk-in-the-trunk to gaze upon. His hands tremble, trying desperately to keep them to himself, but Oswald’s ass looked so fluffy and tender. He wonders how red it could get after a few light taps. Jim normally isn’t this ravenous for a person, but Oswald’s body seems to have him under a spell.

“Oswald,” Jim says to regain his attention.

Sighing and rolling his eyes, Oswald looks back at him again. “I just want a doughnut,” he huffs.

“I know, and I can get you a doughnut,” his voice exhumes confidence that he hopes will eventually win this plump little prize. “I can get you anything you want. All you have to do is sit with me.”

Oswald has seen Jim in pathetic ruts before, but never like this— never so desperate to get a taste of that sweet fat bird. The man didn’t even look like himself. “When you get like this, you never take no for an answer, do you?”

“I could take no for an answer—“ Jim easily pops open the middle button on Oswald’s jacket which looked to be holding on by its last thread— “if only you gave me an answer.”

Oswald gasps when his jacket flies open and he slaps Jim's hand away.  “Well, let me put it this way then…”

Before Oswald could finish his statement, a single gunshot roars through the tiny cafe. As the customers scream and duck for cover, Oswald looks back to find Edward Nygma at the door, holding a gun in the air.

Jim immediately pulls out his gun, ready to protect the cafe, but mostly Oswald. “Gee Cee Pee Dee! Everybody stay calm!” He holds Oswald back protectively with his left arm.

The man in the sparkling green suit huffs and dismisses Jim’s statement with a flourishing gesture of his hand. “Please, Jim. You’re still doing that old shtick,” he says, pointing the gun at Jim.

Edward has kinda been following Oswald around since the day he escaped from Arkham. He was looking for the right opportunity to come out and reveal himself to the city. The Riddler was back and ready to reunite with his best friend and former lover.

“I couldn’t bear to watch you and your grubby little hands all over Oswald. Your flirting game is mortifyingly weak.” Edward steps up to Jim, looking him squarely in the eyes. “No wonder Oswald can’t bring himself to look at you. You have no style, no charisma—“ his eyes travel down and back up, glaring at the man’s stature— “and no stamina!” He then peeks at Oswald from around Jim. “You look good, by the way, Oswald. A little thicker in the middle, but I’ve always liked them soft.”

Oswald smiles, eyes sparkling as his heart hammered in his chest. He’s been waiting for the day for Edward to show himself since escaping and it only took Jim’s unwanted flirting to do so. He hasn’t seen Edward in ten years, but he thinks Ed is just as beautiful as the last time he set eyes on him.  

“You should be in Arkham, Ed.” Jim holds his gun with both hands. “What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Edward takes off his bowler hat and tosses it on a nearby table. “I’m here saving my Oswald.”

“Oswald wasn't in danger until you got here.”

“Like hell I was!” Oswald snaps. “I’ve been in danger ever since I felt you breathing down my neck.”

“You see—“ Ed steps even closer to Jim— “the man doesn’t like your advances.”

“That’s not what he said,” Jim argues, standing his ground between Oswald and Edward.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Oswald shouts, tapping his cane on the floor.

Edward had to make the cop see the reality of the situation and there’s only one way to do that with someone whose vision is as delusional as Jim’s. He quickly reaches around Jim and pulls Oswald into him, kissing him firmly on the lips, as the tip of his gun digs into Jim’s stomach.

Oswald sighs sweetly and wraps both arms around Edward, kissing him just as passionately as he’d imagined their first kiss in ten years to be. Fuck. How he missed these soft lips and the taste of fresh mint that always seems to linger on them. His eyes flutter closed as he parts his lips, inviting Edward for a deeper taste of him.

Jim’s eyes widen as he watches the men sucking face before him. He’s only heard rumors of their relationship being more than just friends, but he never thought them to be true. The grip on his gun starts to loosen and he fights back tears as he witnesses his chance with the pudgy bird going up in smoke.

When Oswald and Edward part to take a breath, they gaze upon one another and suddenly share a maniacal laugh, knowing exactly the move each of them would make next.

Turning around, Oswald swings his cane across Jim’s hand and throws the gun from his grip. He then crashes the shaft down on the cop’s head, knocking him out with a single blow.

Jim was so caught up in his own emotions, lovesick for a belly, that he never saw the attack coming.  

Edward laughs and pulls Oswald back into him, rubbing the man’s round belly as he kisses him again. “Fuck, Oswald. Did you know that you’re amazing?”

“Of course I did.”

“Good.” He gives Oswald another kiss and suddenly bends over to nibble on Oswald’s stomach. “Nom, nom, nom.”

“Eeedwarrrd!” Oswald long-sung his name, pudgy freckled cheeks glowing with color. “Not here!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Edward says, laughing as he stands up from Oswald’s belly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Ready to finish this thing?” He asks, winking at his lover.

Oswald picks up Jim’s gun from the floor and cocks it back to make sure that it was loaded. “Yes,’ he answers with a wicked smirk.

They both circle around— completely in sync with each other— to face the man standing at the cash register and they point their guns at him.

“We want it all!” Edward orders.

The man flinches but quickly gets to work on opening the drawer.

“Not the money,” Oswald says, limping closer to the counter. “The doughnuts! We want one of each!”

The man stares at Oswald then looks over at Edward. They're not seriously standing up the cafe up for food, are they?

“You heard my boyfriend correctly,” Edward clarifies and takes Oswald by the hand. “And don’t skimp on the jelly filled ones. I have a thick little bird to take home and feed.”


End file.
